Thursday, June 26, 2008

Get your filthy paws off Cher

A Nashville man was charged with disorderly conduct and public intoxication after he repeatedly harassed entertainer Cher at the famed honkytonk Tootsies Orchid Lounge.

Police say 36-year-old Calvin Hutton Houghland tried to make contact with Cher at the club early Wednesday morning and was asked to leave.

The report says Houghland complied but returned a short time later and grabbed Cher by the waist as she sat in a roped-off area.

Houghland was escorted from the bar, but he returned again and approached Cher in an aggressive manner. When security blocked his advances, he called police to say he had been assaulted.

Police said Cher declined to prosecute the man for assault for grabbing her, but police said he asked to be arrested.

Houghland said he had been drinking and failed a self-requested field sobriety test. His bond was set at $3,000.

How drunk was this guy that he wanted to feel up Cher?




It's Independence Day in Madagascar and in Somalia, and it's UN Treaty Day at the United Nations. UN delegates have not yet agreed on the proper means of celebration, but it's purely academic at this point anyway - France has vowed to veto any celebration plans.

Here's your Today in History:

On June 26, 1243, the Mongrels defeated the Turkish Seljuk army in Asia Minor, opening the doors to the Mongrel Invasion of Europe. French Poodles and German Shepherds were massacred in unprecedented numbers as the Mongrels penetrated to the heart of the continent. The Mongrels would eventually leave Europe, but not before they'd pissed on every tree.

Richard III made himself King of England on June 26, 1483 by killing everyone else who wanted to be king. It seemed a clever stratagem at the time, especially for a hunchback, but his reign came to a bloody end just two months later as a result of his making a fiscally irresponsible bid on a horse.





Francisco Pizarro conquered the entire Peruvian Empire of the Incas with a handful of soldiers only to have those soldiers turn on and kill him on June 26, 1541. He was stabbed in the throat, then fell to the floor where he was stabbed repeatedly. Pizarro (who now was maybe as old as 70 years, and at least 62), collapsed on the floor, alone, painted a cross in his own blood and cried for Jesus Christ. He cried: Come to me my faithfull sword, companion of all my deeds.



This was the Dawn of the Ironic Age in the New World.

Abner Doubleday was born on this date in 1819. Mr. Doubleday is credited with the invention of baseball, without which Americans would have nothing to watch between waits in line for more beer.



June 26, 1870 -
Congress declared Christmas a federal holiday to the great relief of Americans who'd been forced to flee to Canada every December.



June 26, 1963 -
President John F. Kennedy stood before the Berlin Wall and announced to a quarter of a million Germans that he was a jelly donut, in his famous "I am a jelly donut" ("ich bin ein jelly donut") speech.



Although embarrassing, this was considered an improvement over Eisenhower's infamous "I am a well-hung platypus" speech.

June 26, 1968 -
Pope Paul VI declares that the bones of Apostle and first Pope, Saint Peter, were found underneath St. Peter's Basilica in Rome. The bones are now housed in containers near where they were found, but some of them are clearly those of domesticated animals.



Oh well, another mystery of the church best left unexplained.

June 26, 1990 -
Irish Republican Army bombs the Carlton Club, an exclusive conservative gentleman's cabal in London. (It is a well known fact that Margaret Thatcher was denoted an "honorary man" in order to become a member. It is not clear what surgical modifications, if any, were necessary.)



And so it goes.

No comments: